After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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