And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
