whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
