So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
