i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize