a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
