I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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