I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
zippers are such a cool invention
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
