piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
