you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
