i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
