I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
