So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I'm having to shit out rocks
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
