You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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