dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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