Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
