i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
