Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
