hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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