The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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