if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
