I think I just saw someone hide a body.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
