spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
