I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
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