the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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