my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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