you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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