I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize