I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
