I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
