There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize