Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
