I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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