3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
