theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
