I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
why do cheetos always look like penises
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
