We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
