Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
