i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
