i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Randomize
