Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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