And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
