You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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