dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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