He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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