drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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