I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
