What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
