You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
