I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
