I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
