not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
