i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
