I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
