it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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