I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
