tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
