She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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