woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
