My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Can I color on your dick again?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
