Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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