What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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