Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Randomize
