omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Your cock deserves a montage
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize
