it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
The air was thick with penises
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
