i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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