I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize