Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
